I Can Live the Way You Want by Mary Bethany


Love, “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)

“If you want I can live the way you want me to, by your side like this” Jung Hoo

Part 1: "I am prepared even if I am hurt, still I have to stay at her side, even if I am hurt, I can't do anything about it..... Don't tell me to run away, I don’t know how to run away." (Jung Hoo)

He first connected by off gloves-touch (when she was saddened over doubts), he confessed and willing to change (if she preferred a different him), he listened (when she needs to share, since he was her only friend), he restrained (when her safety was threatened by being near him), finally he stand not escaping (because even if hurt may cometh, she will cry forever, not just him alone will).

“I need to find the reason…  I have no reason to live”, an awakened Jung Hoo demanded. For once, he wanted to live, really live as a human, not just merely as a soul-less leopard, now he has found a reason to live, she is the only reason. The world has been a jungle, everyone are leopards and lions, until a fearless human trespassed in. A girl who faced the king of jungle fearlessly, not because she didn’t know the danger, in spite of knowing, she has this dignity / justice / valiant to stand and fight back. Amid her personal danger, she bothered to tell Bong Sookie to run and let her handled yoyo. Was he not moved watching her went shouting / searching for Bong Sookie right after the police “rescued” her.  It takes the courage of a brave leopard to let Jung Hoo faced his own humanity too, his yearnings no longer restricted to the Moro Moro island. “Unless he let you in, if not you will not able to go in. we need to force him to open the door and come out” Ahjumma knew him so heart wrenchingly well. Truth is he has already opened the door silently, when he revealed his love at that rooftop snow kiss, it not merely a kiss, its pledging that he is not merely a “courier for money”, but has humanity & moral.  Jung Hoo has never learned how to open his Bat-Cave door, nor has he invited any to enter in. The lad has grown up frequently dumped by many, that he has never learnt to open door. Nobody bothered to knock his door all these years. Knowing whosoever entering in may hurt him or be hurt, opened himself his own invisible door slowly, loving Young shin from a safe distance.  If Young Shin’s love was unrequited, so was his, he didn’t expect to take, just give.  He started off revealed himself, discovered that for the first time in life he too has a desire now to be understood, to comfort someone (the much wounded Young shin who thought that hers was a unrequited love). And that kiss, is not just a kiss, it’s a pledge, a promise, a plunge into possible identity leak which shall endangered his “self-quarantine” domain.  To be understood as who he exactly is, is the basic root of being loved & to love.

“If you want I can live the way you want me to, for a long time, staying carefully, by your side like this.” 

This confession is one of the most moving confessions of self-less sacrifice in K-drama history. Now if this is not sacrifice then what is it? Real love is not pledging how much a man can die for his girl, but how much he can live and change his own life style for his girl, which is the biggest sacrifice. All for the sake of “next to you, by your side like this” Simple words but unlimited sacrifices, finally he has learned to sacrifice his identity for the one he loved.  If she does not come to the Island, maybe he will forsake his Batman-cave, and shall go to her Coffee-bay? He continued stepped out of his hibernate-cocoon, contented to protect her quietly, becoming her shadow, though feared she might get hurt… to run away from her, he shalt not, for he has signed on the assignment himself to stay by her side. Yet, he has no strength to pull her into his door, life beyond Healer or moro island does not sound bad after all, was he not once tempted to give up everything, “Can you consider me”… if you will, I will give up all, just to be beside you, carefully. You shall be my Moro Moro island, my reason to live.

“I want to tell Chae Young Shin that I’m actually a thief… you said its okay to tell her if she’s someone who would go to my island with me... with Chae Young Shin I feel safe telling her who I am, and see if she go with me” 

When Young Shin’s self-less confession in the phone booth melted him, he finally willing to believe that there is someone after all that can come to the island with him.  He started to believe it is impossible that someone can accept him as he is that he can be raw-naked-transparent after all, with his flaws. Because he did know her characters, trusting that even if she’ll kick him, but will be okay and forgive him soon.

“I know that you actually really like me (wow, he does knows and appreciate), that’s why you tried to keep us apart… because in case I get hurt… how does what my father did more than 20 years ago have anything to do with me? As long as he didn’t kill the father of the woman I like… (and) I like Chae Young Shin. …so I’m prepared, it doesn’t matter even if I get hurt, it’s okay she doesn’t know. I still want to be at her side. There’s nothing I can do, so don’t tell me to run away, I don’t know how to run away.” 

He poured his heart out to the Ahjumma who knew that he was wounded by many since time immemorial.  I Like Chae Young Shin… I don’t know how to run away” (sincere, single-minded, saddening) when a man made such a confession, there is basically the “end” in him. It’s Sincere when he honestly confessed loving Young Shin, without excuses. It’s Single-minded in his focus on staying beside to protect her safety knowing now that she also loved him. It’s Saddening, as he is prepared to be hurt, can run but refused to run away.

“I’ll show her my face… but she asked, I should at least response, at the very least?” 

He spoke with a faint pleading voice. After ahjunma cruelly reminded him that, with Young Shin’s character/looks/ background, she deserves to have any prince charming that have great personally, good looks, stable job, but Healer can’t even show her his face to her, the most he can do to bring her to a strange deserted paradise island in a distanced future.

Ouch! That’s sting! Cruel but true. Moreover, you are son of a murderer suspect. Instantly his countenance fall, his shoulder drop, his eyes dull, and his voice coarse. “I can show her my face” he pleaded.  Being the simple girl she is, she will not ask for more, I got nothing much to give, but I will reveal my identity which is my “ALL”. Here, he mentioned ‘face”, it’s nothing about the “Glorious Entertainment’s poster boy” Ji Chang Wook handsome face that he meant, it’s simply mean his identity as a courier, since their “face” (aka identity, means life and death.)  Such was his self-less love, but all he had, he will give himself.  He said, after all she did ask, when your loved one pleaded, can you not give? It cruel to demand that from him, never once in his life has he felt he can comfort someone, nor ever felt someone desire something from him, nor someone loved and desired him.

At the cinema, the entwined handhold stirred a huge feverish response by fans world-wide. What Ahjumma said hours ago (about he couldn’t give her what many guys could) laid a great impact. At that crucial moment when Young Shin was walking out, his anguish and dilemma flooded, so was he really going to give nothing to comfort her and allow her to leave like this, is there really nothing he can hint that he do care, something she can hold on to until he can “show her my face.” She was always the first one that approached him, confessed to him at rooftop, even the one first to entwine her fingers first around his. To be allowed to confess one’s feeling, and show affection after all is luxuries to him, what a sad life, that he had been depraved of basic abilities and affections.

“He died because of me”  Thru the morgue scene, a fine page has turned in Ji Chang Wook’s acting career. Why? Many fans have described in reviews how well he acted at that weeping agonised moment... His work in that scene was that of a becoming of a character, “acting” second to none other hunks that actually looks that good, in k-drama history.  Yes, he has finally “become, beget, borne” into the character in Jung Hoo…
First, his anger whacking anyone along the path, then his hesitation and fear pausing before lifting up the white sheet that will painfully reveal what he is dying not to believe, reality still refused to set in, “you always play this trick, wake up, you are taking it too far, stop it already, stop… ” A hotpot of intense agony, fear, disbelief, panic, lost, all surreal raw emotions overwhelmed & drown his senses.  Emptiness enshrouded his whole being, deep within he started to switch off, numb, frozen, blinking uncontrolled as his blank reddened eyes fluttered, breath thickened, voiced muffled into whispers, couldn’t feel his legs he sunk thru’ the invisible hole on that morgue floor… (we at the laptop can really felt these raw feelings.)

Back at the car, he started loosening collars as throat suffocating, uncontrollably weeping inwardly, wiping his tears with his right hand while driving, his systems self-shutting down…. that old pervert was the only father he knew, and now is all but gone, all is but lost forever now…. Yet in such a wretched state, he could halt himself in time when Moon Ho reminded him that Teacher will not want him to become a murderer over those low-lives scums. Yes, even when he told Moon Ho, that both of them can do nothing, yet he is willing to back off. Kudo to his self-controlled, K-drama hunks usually just whacked thru. Writer Song, Daebak !!!

“it’s too late, she already know who I am… but she don’t know yet that she will be hurt if she stayed with me, or even get killed, and there is nothing I can do, so I’ll just go sleep.”

I am always touched by men that wept, but truly drama-hunks don’t really weep helplessly, but they cry majestically, as they just wail, stormed and howl, churned some big chunk of tears, heavy banging everything, some even can squeezed out mucus --- all loud and wet and heavy. None, not many hunk can weep like Ji Chang Wook, he don’t weep beautifully, Jung Hoo has “lesser volume” of physical tears, yet you felt in your marrows that Jung Hoo really agonized and was ruined.  It’s a scene I will remember for a good long time. This scene alone is a classic moment worthy of Oscar, (not just KBS drama award). But no, even to mention about presenting him an KBS award is like insulting him, calling that moment “acting only”, when you felt in all your marrows that Jung Hoo,(not Chang Wook) was the one mourning. When Teacher passed, painfully he restraining himself for her sake, denying himself the desires to be understood, when discovered that he might cause her danger and even death, this is his way of protecting and loving her. He has chosen to die inside, not just to hibernate. (That night for a long silent, i just sat there in the dark at my lap-top; don’t feel like turning to other thing to watch after that ep ended….)

The first kiss at rooftop was JH way of leaking his SELF away, a revelation that opened the Pandora box.
The second kiss at his lair was his further surrendering his SELF, in gratefulness of her assurance.

The third kiss at coffeebay was his heartfelt promise to find his true SELF, in gratitude of her acceptance. Her promise was all he ever wanted, his own assurance that “I will find it”, his pledge of covenant that, no matter what I will find the evidence, so that you will not be hurt too, and come back to you.

Did we awe at Ji Chang Wook? No, it is Seo Jung Hoo that we know and liked.  But am grateful that he allows us to forget that he is JCW, so that we can believe there might just be many Seo Jung Hoo around us in this world. Honestly we know nuts about JCW. As an actor, he borne, became and begotten the character, that’s when he made you forgot that he is the luminous Ji Chang Wook, he make you love the character he created even more than loving himself, yes, even more than loving Ji Chang Wook. 
I watched his other dramas, in the past i saw Ji Chang Wook face acting in diff roles. Just like I did when saw Lee Min Ho face repeated in many dramas, even up to “the Inheritors”, it is still LMH face acting in inheritor.  But with Jung Hoo, Mr Ji has ascended to another league/ another dimension/ another realm.  He has begotten the character, till you forgot he is Ji Chang Wook.  Even if you know JCW will be flooded with tons of other new great roles in future, YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED with whatever new drama he will be in future, some part of you know you will miss Seo Jung Hoo, even if you looked into Ji Chang Wook’s face starring in another role, and that leaves me strangely empty.  I have nothing against Ji Chang Wook, just that it is all and only about Seo Jung Hoo. Thus honestly, do i like Ji Chang Wook? Nope, i simply adore Seo Jung Hoo, and Jung Hoo alone.

Part 2: “You have to come back even if you can’t find it…”(Young Shin)                     

She first trusted (when all evidence were against him, remembering he was the one protected her), she confessed contentedly (when he still cannot reveal himself), then she waited (when hurt by his “lies”), and finally she stand firm and forced herself in (when he has given up life itself). This is the way she loved.
Like I say above that Jung Hoo must opened his own invisible door, but it takes another unrequited fearless love to recognise the door is opened and break-in. Young shin’s first shaken the foundation of the door with her unique fearless attitude, she knew the danger, she not only don’t back off, she charged head-on, she can’t even protect herself, yet she bothered to ask Bong Sookie to run, a simple woman’s courage. For the first time, a leopard put on human face, her humanity awed the fearless Healer, that was the first twisted of the key that opened his heart’s door. To say that Young Shin was infatuated with Healer as her second crush, she may not have known, she actually has already taken Bong Sookie into her heart. As what Coffee-bay ahjussi said, she has no friend in past, Bong Sookie was the only she talked to, she has not revealed to anyone about her secrets, not even her dad knows her “2 crushes”. To say that Bong Sookie came to her, truly she was the first to come to Bong Sookie, she opened up herself, her thoughts, her trust. Was not Bong Sookie’s the only phone number she remembered correctly first, when she lost her mum phone in the elevator, the only one she brought home to sleep on couch, and the only she dared wept to, the only one she hug so naturally. Somewhat I guess, she may not know it, but it is Bong Sookie she loved, not healer. And if to say her “crush” toward healer stirred Jung Hoo, I rather say her trust and acceptance in Bong Sookie transformed Jung Hoo.

“the world that I knew after I met my dad did not become more trustworthy, if I opened up my heart, someone would come and scar it, still I was ok with it, because if you have even one person you can truly trust, no matter how often you get stabbed in the back, you don’t get that hurt”… actually it was when Bong Sookie “betrayed” her trust, that she was hurt most. So hurt was she that she didn’t rejoiced even in knowing the identity of Healer finally.  If Healer is the one she only loved, what’s the big deal regarding whether Bong Sookie lied in past.
She trusted, when it is easier to doubt, based upon Moon Ho’s leak that he was paying Healer to help her, she is willing to trust again that one single person whom she has opened up her heart, and volunteering come to him, did not he cometh and protect her first, even if he (like her dad said) is the only one person, she shall trust and overcome her hurts. Yes, even if he has opened his door, its take herself to know her own heart, herself to take the first step, to trust and plunge into the little gap he opened. She will not be greedy, because that is enough.
“I’m going to wait… I have someone I’m waiting for, that person should definitely have something to say to me, he shouldn’t be staying silent like this, I’m prepared to listen what he has to say, I have things I want to say to him too.”  She waited, that kiss was all she needed to lean upon and wait, a seal that is enough, sensing that he did have something to say.  Imagined that Jung Hoo has been silent all these years, with no one seriously interested in what he got to say, and then someone said she wanted to listen, and wanted to tell him things that are important to her. Think that sealed the ascension he made uphill into this humanity and realised that he has crossed the line of no return. The moment, he has taken up an assignment by himself, to stay at her side forever.Come what may.
“I need to meet you, if you tell me not to look at you, I’ll cover my eyes. If you tell me not to speak, I’ll be still and won’t make a sound… Will you hear what I have to say? Will you come to me, and watch me, I just need to know that you will, and that’s all I want…”  Such a self-less, courageous, trusting request from a girl that (according to ahjunna, she can have the most charming prince all days of her life…) yet confessing her love raw and frank, wanting nothing in return, even not to look, to speak, to touch… satisfied that even if to depraved herself of all her sense of sight and sound and touch, is but fine… She walked away from the cinema seat, saddened to part, not having to “connect” but willing to accommodate to his convenience, she is fine. What kind of girl would a man want more than this? When she was rewarded with the entwined handhold, she was grateful even if they are in total silent, not seeing each other.

“Is it because I said I wait, that you can’t come? Should I have said I don’t wait, so you won’t have to worry? Should I take it back?” the anguished Young Shin clinging on to the phone in the dark, whatever message she sent may not even goes thru,… desperately by all means, “come back,”… won’t ask, won’t even say wait, won’t be angry …. A complete surrender on her part, that’s her way of loving.

“If you send me away, you’ll cry for the rest of your life, no, you will never hurt me, Never. Don’t send me away”a teary Young shin pleaded. Remind Jung Hoo that both of them will cry forever. Be hurt, is still better than cry forever. Not holding back, not willing to leave, not running.  When finally his life is at stake, she is willing to put aside her hurt, and ensured that she “will not wait”, as long as you “come back”? she started to accept Jung Hoo as Jung Hoo finally, she needs to first accept Jung Hoo identity, then she can finally be allowed to break into that door, she finally allowed herself not to hold back, Jung Hoo invisible door was opened too long, he will get more hurt, till she entered in.
First she waited when he was not ready to reveal and he needed more times, then she hold her fort to stay when he withdrawn from everyone into self- destruction, now she trusted him, when all odds are against him when he needed felt unworthy. That was the last push of the hand on the already opened door unlocked by Jung Hoo himself.

“Please find it, even if you don’t find it, come…You have to come back, even if you can’t find it.”  

It’s easy to judge Young Shin that her first reaction to Jung Hoo hiding the truth regarding her mother alive, and his dad being murder suspect of her dad’s demised.  In fact Young Shin knew that Jung Hoo isn’t a bad person, and whatever his dad did (even if it is true) are nothing to do with him… this she also knew…. thus all murders shouldn’t be done by him, even when Moon Shik got the detectives Team to show “hard core evidences” against him. But her basics trust that the Bong Sookie and Healer she has grown to know, isn’t such.  She pulled away from him upon his approach to comfort. He smiled faintly, so this is it, I knew it right? It’s just a matter of time only when even you also leaving?… (never knew a smile can be heart-wrenched to watch) She obviously hated herself for resisting, but just wouldn’t do otherwise.  It almost a plea for acceptance, that hug. Plead again, that he doesn’t believe his dad a true murderer, and above all, murder her dad… “That’s why I’ve been looking for evidence that he isn’t…once I find it, I will tell you…” that still small voice…But because she is Chae Young Shin, she just did what we have grown to know and liked about her, She overcome her doubts, and she seized that hand or whatever she can hold on to from him, so willing to believe, and she immediately give him assurance again. It was her turn to assured him, when he needs assurance most. And that was all he needs to hold on to, to fight and persevere on, her trust and her willingness to wait. Some are borne great at birth, some watches great things happens from afar off, some attempt great things half-heartedly, some become great and achieved greatness. Some simple people, just need to do that great thing, at the right moment, and be Great.

Part 3: “Real me? What is that? Is there such a thing?”(you and me)                       

“I thought it was a dream, I usually don’t dream. So I wondered why this dream is so long, so I keep confirming over and over, “is this real?” even while doing so, I’m keep thinking, even if this is real, will it be okay?  I’m really confused between what’s real and what’s fake? My work requires me to become fake, that’s the way I can do my work. When I go out in the world and meet people there, I’m always phony.  But when I meet her, I should meet her as the real me right? But then “REAL ME”? What is THAT? Is there such a THING? So I am going to find the “REAL ME”…. I’m thinking of how much I can tell her, but she didn’t even asked me… not even my REAL NAME.”
But what truly beat into me, was Jung Hoo’s confession right “the Morning After”. He has awakened to self-discovery, emotional needs realised, a want to love and be loved, to want and be wanted, to know and to be known. What kind of miserable person is he, who seldom dreams? But the poor lad couldn’t believe himself even when he was suddenly blessed with sweet dreams. How pitiful he was, that he should ask himself, is it okay to start desiring, does he deserve to stay dreaming? What if he wakes up, will she also go away?

Finally our Healer seeks to be healed, from his own “self”. The first group of Healers healed the world of their sickness, corruption, lies… but the second generation Healer, seek nothing (not even the money he claimed he was after to buy an island.) In simple-term, he seeks Nothing, was Nothing, heal Nothing. Many of us, think that the person we are in my own confined house is the real us? The person our family see is the real us? Really? Is that so?
Beg to differ! What we are in front of even our own family member may not be the real SELF in us, as long as we hide our thought, our desires, our characters, we can live in the same house, yet none can know us. We are actually what we are in our want, our senses; our desire to be, even if we cannot become that person we are dying to become. What we desire, WE ARE. Our physical form, are what we are borne in, are not the real us. 
"In my eyes… humans are all the same... But amongst all the similar humans, she’s somewhat different… She is like a leopard with a broken leg and had run into hyena. The leopard was hurt and it was clear there was no chance, so she attacked first... She’s like that too... It’s not that she’s brave because she doesn’t know any better or how scary it is. After seeing the leopard documentary I really cried a lot…”(Jung Hoo)

Calling himself Healer, when he was far from healing the world, he couldn’t even heal himself , was a leopard himself in a jungle world of leopards and lions…  Ahjumma was right about Seo Jung Hoo. “He never once leave anyone, its everyone that left him.”  Like everyone in our childhood, little Jung Hoo’s heart door was once opened in those blissful times where Moro Moro island existed under pillows, blankets and tables… till that spilt second when father died, mother deserted him, childhood friends scattered. Scarred a second time the day he asked mum, “if you can live with him (the other son), why can’t you live with me”, mum wept harder… being the good son he was, he took mom’s coat to make her feel better, and left. Since that moment it was time immemorial, he retreated beyond that door when mom chose to forget him, and since then time stopped, reality stand still, and his only dream became that giant screen of unspoilt Moro Moro island beside his bed, he quarantined himself away from the world likened unto an Amazon. Teacher walked out also, and that sealed the final lock on his heart door.  He transformed into Healer, yet he above all people needs healing ironically.  The second generation Healer don’t save the world; he has no grand life-aspiration. Does any leopard has any meaning in life, other than eat and stayed away from being eaten? Healer is not his actual self, neither is Bong Sookie, Jung Hoo simply don’t exist.

But by ep 16, he has already revived his SELF, by being self-less, he learned to have self-control even when his anger tempted him to kill, and he could be stopped by ahjumma and MoonHo a few good times. He learned self-reserved as he patiently wait for the right time to tell the truth to the woman he loved. He learned self-sacrificed to keep her safe by unplugged himself from life.  He learned self-recovery to fight on and discover truth instead of wallowed in sorrows. He learned to be self-less when he is willing to live contentedly beside the woman he loved, just like that way he mentioned on that rooftop after press conference.

Does the world need superman, or healer? Hollywood’s “healers” cometh in big act of valiant that save the country stop the war, provide world peace, invent vaccine for deadly virus, died defeating evil powers, … avengers styles hero to drop from the sky heal the world. Really? Does killing some villains save? Life goes on, and new villains emerge.
Instead we are touched by many real lives unsung heroes, courageous simple flawed human among us, with all their weakness, not saints. It’s not big things one did, but in that spilt second, it called for a decision made, to face or to escape, to stand or to run, to speak or be silent, to forgive or to revenge…
There are many such insignificant people around us, silently loving us in their quiet ways.  But in that crucial moment, a word can motivate us to go on. A fine drama, bring out the beauty in simple people around;
-- the teacher that loved in his simple way, ran away but lured back for the “son” he mentored, forsaking his paradise to give his “son” a reason to live, even before death teaching his “son” to quit early, “to live with the woman he loved”, go “lived happily ever after”, with 2 kids, 1 dog, 2 cats, 3 goldfishes.
--The ahjumma that loved hiding behind her giant scenes, cared for Jung Hoo ways beyond what some mothers can. Her silent when he shared that he liked “this girl”, her helpless stares into the scene when her son stated he was willing to reveal himself to the girl, she growled and threatened to stop him when the wrecked broken son wanted to revenge. The desperate heart of the mother, when she emerged from her rabbit hole, just to look into this girl’s eyes, to see herself whether she can let go and trust her with her “son”.

--The abeoji Chae that encourage his daughter to wait, to trust, to fight not to run away, to give people a second chance, even people that the world shunned. “I did not find you, I just waited, and you come to me…” not necessarily, waiting doesn’t promise rewards, but by waiting, you braved yourself a chance to love and be loved.

Our world needs not superman, spiderman nor batman, we need not healer even… we need someone to listen as Bong Sookie listens… someone to stay close and be willing to change their lives style for us, someone that will forsake their secret island for us… someone like Young Shin to stand with us, not run away, even if outnumbered… someone who waits, and not ask not probe. We need both JungHoo and Youngshin who self-lessly don’t indulged in self-pity but fight on for each other, trusting each other, to be willing to heal and be healed, healing the ones that GOD sent into our lives…

We have grown up adoring superheroes since child-hood, everyone likes masked men save the earth and swept damsels off her feet and fly round the night sky with him. All young men aspired to be Superman, spiderman, batman… etc. Korean drama has her fair shares of masked heroes in Ijimae, Bridal Mask, Gunman in Joseon… etc. Not that I don’t enjoy all these acts of robbing the rich throwing money bags and rice bags into the laps of poor people midnight, or saved the poor been beaten up by gangster, or breaking into prison cell rescuing innocents…. I do. But these doesn’t reach out to reality, it don’t touched the marrow of my bones, shaken my lung my brain my heart… 

Am I glad that Healer didn’t morphed into some “rob the rich to save the poor” style feel-good plot. Much as we could dare dream, the world cannot be saved by some superman, we just go exposing whatever evil around us; some used blog and anonymous mails to expose lies. When our leaders want to stop because of their own position in society, many times what happened to ajumma do happened to us. So we pulled the plug, closed the blog, archived all evidences, when victories won and we are all but been forgotten. We disappeared back into the crowd as Bong Sookie, we call it a day.

Does rating matters? Many started to speculate how the rating of Healer sucks? Well compared to My Love from the Star, City-Hunter, Boys over Flowers (whatever high ratings dramas)… ask ourselves honestly what is the factor that caused the rating to soar? We all know that it’s not about acting skill nor story plot nor directing skill… it’s all about which Hunk or Beauty acting in it? Rating doesn’t concern me much.  Do we really want a zillion screaming fans, shrieking “Kim Soo Hyun/ Lee Min Ho / Lee Jun ki”? Not that they are convinced that these actors can act (which some of those mentioned above really did). Almost 99% of the screaming fans are only concerned with “how handsome he is”… So whether is it a hundred, a thousand or a million fans… its nothing about his acting skill? So what if it garners a hundred millions fans which will only be stirred by good looks. But not because the character touched them, or his lines in the show moved them, or his acting skill make them forgot that “he” is Ji Chang Wook, it’s simply “as long as the hunk starred in anything is fine”… Yes, so what if Ji Chang Wook has lesser of these kind of fans, who worshipped him no matter whether he can act or can’t, who will not judge or valued him for his true worth. Yes, so what if really he has lesser fans or lesser show ratings, in compared to A-list hunks? But to those fewer fans, who treasured him as he portrayed in every character, some are touched by who he created in Smile again, some touched by Empress Ki, some touched by Seo Jung Hoo.  For every single one of his small legion, their life were sincerely moved, its REAL, RAW, RICHER than one zillions fans screaming only about his handsome face.  That is the different, the realm that Ji Chang Wook make us ascended.  After watching 18 ep, he still make me not interested in Ji Chang Wook, I am still only interested in Seo Jung Hoo.
Yes, Seo Jung Hoo only.
“My name is Seo Jung Hoo.” Name, is more than just a name sometimes. It represents Honestly, Revelation, Surrender of self.  Finally, he has borne, became, begotten his Self.
So exactly who is Seo Jung Hoo? Only Seo Jung Hoo knows, only he can answer his own question, when he starts to think, he become.  Realisation of SELF is never pleasant and is cruel even. Because he has not been thinking, since his loved ones left him, then he can seek back his SELF by having his needs in loving Young Shin fulfilled. When you love someone, you become complete. This is how GOD makes us.
Awesome.  Awesome.  Awesome.

To Mr Ji Chang Wook and Miss Park Min Young:
Ep 14 to 15, churned out a lot of fans’ desires, wanting the couple to be joint finally as one in real life, some called for Ji Chang Wook and Park Min Young to be together and love each other and become a real life couple. I am guilty of such demands too; sincerely think they are so OTP. One sincere word for Mr Ji and Miss Park, whether you will really fall in love in real life, go and find your REAL LIFE One True Love, and leave the Korean Drama scene, go find your own Moro Moro island, no husband or wife would like to share their loved one with another actor, actress… many actor actress marriage ended in divorce because of temptation. Even if we do not see you any more on the screen, just knowing both of you have found your true happiness, we will be satisfied. Actor’s life are sad, they bled their heart out for different screen partners over 20 ep, then they got to return back to reality, and shelved whatever they felt, how cruel.
Mr Ji Chang Wook, if you can find someone like Chae Young Shin, love her and don’t let her leave.
Miss Park Min Young, if you can find someone like Seo Jung Hoo, love him and don’t let him leave.

Mr Ji Chang Wook and Miss Park Min Young, may the LORD GOD bless you to find your true SELF, in loving someone, and be loved till your brain, lung, heart stirred. Gratified alone by loving her / him, and be loved, as the one and only true love in your life.

A verse dedicate to both of you, Mr Ji and Miss Park: love is “charity”“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”   ---(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)


  1. “… I won’t be able to live like others for a while… until I take care of this, I can’t be by your side, I have to be on the run… if you are with me, you’ll get caught for harboring a suspect… don’t call…don’t ever come near my house…” when Young shin called his number, he was actually at a PC Internet room, watching her video clips reporting Someday news…. That was one of the most agonizing scenes, that we on this side of the screen can actually felt his loneliness. It’s totally different between the state of solitude he was in before he met her, he can be alone but not lonely, but since he meet her and change his dream, loneliness is something he will not be able to bear by going to Moro Moro island alone, the empty house without her, constraining himself to call or see her, becoming excruciating. This is one of the many ways whereby he is sacrificing for her, namely denying himself his safety, his joy, his freedom, his house, himself. (edited, Mary)

  2. “I’m scared of cause, they’re like zombies, that’s why we have to fight, if we sit still don’t fight, they might bite us, and we become zombies too.’ Even if she is outnumbered or weak, she will goes down fighting. Will not live a second longer being zombie, rather die fighting until the final last breathe, there is no half state between zombie and human, so die as a human I shall. She will push herself to live well, to stay happy so that Jung hoo can concentrate on fighting Elder, she will not be a burden, this was another kind of way she can help in fighting Elder, staying happy and safe. That is Greatness instil within her.
    “when I hold his hand, the feeling of “it’s okay now” gradually spreads to my whole body from my hand, a marvellous unique one and only hand, that can say “it’s okay now.” With this hand, we will go down fighting, as long as I die holding this hand…
    (Mary of bethany)

  3. “I was thinking in my sleep… would it be hard to live like other people? Would it be hard for me? You’ll be there next to me? Good. (That’s all I need.)”, muttered Jung Hoo, rested his head on Young Shin’s lap, resting forever his healed heart. Like what Young Shin said, “It’s not easy to live like others; he doesn’t know what it means to live like others, what’s so good about that? I guess that’s what he wants… He became Park Bong Soo again, He even stop being Healer… There’s a guy that I know, He’s like a person from another world… he did kind of like in a different world than others, g guy like that insisting on living in our world just like everyone else…” Young Shin dear, because this guy’s world has changed from that giant screen Moro Moro island, to you, you became his entire world, his entire galaxy. He revolved around you, anywhere everywhere you are, he shall has his being, what is Park Bong Soo or Healer to him, if you are not as what he said, “be there next to me?” in times to come, he will adapted, because you healed him, found his existence, you are his Healer.

    “The things I like: high places, first snow, small hands, white bedding, and that hair. The things I hate, anything and everything that keeps me away from those…..
    The things I like: the sound of the camera shutter he makes, his big hands, his smiling eyes, and big embrace. The things I hate, anything and everything that keeps me away from those…”
    the things I like: watching eyes in the shadow, pouring of hearts in the phone, one sided conversations to each other with conversations exactly befitting answering each other unknowingly, willingness to “live in the image that you want” forsaking my island, entwined hands seizing every moment, that kiss to comfort and ensure you I care, the hands that wiped your tears away, ensuring you “come back even if cannot find”, resting heads resting hearts “you be there next to me, that’s all I need”. Things I hate: nothing.
    But there’s one thing actually, knowing that Seo Jung Hoo and Chae Young shin is not exactly real. Before Feb 10, was thinking what kind of ending do I want for Healer? Then I realised, I do not really demand to see some Church wedding, or some final scenes of kids running around at some uninhabited island or some Coffeebay … because I know Jung Hoo and Young Shin is not real. But I still felt the surreal happiness like of a mother that finally married of her daughter happily in a church matrimony to the one good boy my daughter loved. This is exactly that kind of contentment and satisfaction, and weirdly, a sense of peace surprisingly. If there is really someone in Writer Song’s mind when she created Jung Hoo, let him find his Yong shin like this. I am at peace now. Thank you LORD. (mary of bethany)

  4. A verse dedicate to both of you, Mr Ji and Miss Park: love is “charity”
    “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” --- (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
    (may GOD bless you, Mr Ji and Miss Park to find your own Young Shin and Jung Hoo, to love and be loved, loved self-lessly like both of them., believeth, hope, endureth... healing each other, that none others can. (mary bethany)

  5. Ji Chang Wook, if you can find someone like Chae Young Shin, someone who contentedly-bravely-joyfully “trust and wait and fight” beside you.
    Park Min Young, if you can find someone like Seo Jung Hoo, someone who selflessly-silently-passionately “protects and understand and sacrifice” for you.
    Ji Chang Wook, Miss Park Min Young, may the LORD GOD bless you to finally found your own Yeong Shin and Jung Hoo, in loving someone and be loved, in understanding someone and be understood, in changing your lives living for someone and have someone changed and lived for you. Finding your “Real ME / True Self” when you become Self-less for each other, seek Gratification in him / her alone, as the one and only true love in your life. (mary)

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  7. WOW! That was awesome. Well said dearie!