Jung-hoo's countless list of feels - Episode 10


Jung-hoo's countless list of feels: Episode 10

From the surface, it seems Jung-hoo has it all - the money, the power, the freedom, all which seemingly boasts his popularity as being “the healer”. It paints the perfect picture in which, by Jung-hoo’s calculations, the far-away island becomes the ultimate goal. Except when that illusion too, breaks, you’re left with the realisation that everything your life had amounted to, had been meaningless; for no man is truly an island. And in Jung-hoo’s case, admitting to that would be akin to having nothing to live for. And that, must be a terrifying reality; for his existence had only ever been defined by the lonely island he’d envisioned for himself – turning his Healer identity into an aimless one.

The moment he walks in, arms linked with Yong-shin. In this moment, he’s playing the part of Bong-soo, who then has to act like a rich VIP – and though it’s one of his many guises, I like how it’s a guise which allows him to breathe a little in his own skin, for being next to Yong-shin allows him to step out of his own social awkwardness and reveal himself as a rather confident and charming individual. His face is priceless when Yong-shin calls him “oppa”, and she does so without even batting an eyelid. And whilst that gets him momentarily flustered, he sure takes on the role with gusto, breaking out into a genuine smile (proud of their joint victory) when they get given access to the restricted party.

The moment he confidently tells ahjumma of his decision to stay next to Yong-shin - a job he’d assigned for himself. It’s a standout moment for Jung-hoo as it shows him taking the reins into his own hands; a sign that he wants to live for someone other than himself, and which cautions Ahjumma that he’s close to parting ways with his Healer identity. I like how he comes to a firm decision whilst talking through it with Ahjumma, as if to reconfirm a decision he’d already made, and thereby sounding doubly assured of his intentions; it most certainly amps up his cool factor, if that were even possible!

I do love how Yong-shin sets the motion in giving his life purpose. The fact that his mere presence can give her the encouragement she needs to continue boldly forward puts him in a position whereby his wanting to be next to her isn’t just about giving meaning to his life, but equally, hers also. Their relationship from the outset has always been embedded in shared empathy, thereby giving way to mutual support. It establishes their relationship on firm grounds, turning their individual weaknesses into a shared strength. And that is something which Jung-hoo had been stripped of by the very people who should have been there for him since childhood. 

In any situation, Jung-hoo always makes it so that he’s facing Yong-shin directly, whether she sees him or not. The moment she turns her back on him to take a call from Moon-ho, her momentary giddiness leaves him reeling in more than just jealousy; rather, his face takes on a more wistful expression, as if hurt by her gesture. It’s unintentional; but Jung-hoo’s sadness clearly links it to a moment of rejection, one which he’s not prepared for. His resolve in wanting to stay by her side only heightens his turmoil in needing to find his true self, for only in finding himself will he be able to face her completely, until then, he has to settle to see the back of her, no matter how painful.

The longing in his eyes becomes all the more apparent when she walks further away from him, distancing him from her happiness. It’s a moment which may appear amusing at first seeing how jealousy rears itself, but then turns rather melancholic, upon realising how, up close, this situation paints itself as a literal separation for Jung-hoo, one he’s unable to withstand.

But unlike with Moon-ho, Yong-shin not only shares her happiness with Jung-hoo, but her fears too. With him next to her, she’s able to conquer her fears with ease and step over the threshold of her psychological demons. When she enters the lift, he smiles knowingly at her habitual nature of moving boldly forward, despite her fears. But the fact that she does so for his sake, no matter how shaken up she is, leaves Jung-hoo feeling overwhelmed. Him, reaching out his hand is characteristic of his unconditional love for others, despite being left abandoned; and although he’s nervous in taking initiative, I like how he guides his hand naturally towards hers, recognising her need for comfort.  

I love how it always confounds him when she holds onto him first. For Yong-shin, it’s not important who takes the initiative; rather it’s her faith in him which has her clinging on. Unknown to her, it’s this very side of her which provides him with the hope of living life again, like the time when she held onto his hand in order to apply the medicine; he’s comforted by her actions, but is equally out of touch with them too. For someone to hold on to him and to see him as a pillar of support must make him feel as though he’s wanted, and that his existence matters. 

When she grabs hold of Jung-hoo’s hand, he feels her pain; her tightened grip communicates just how frightened she is, leaving Jung-hoo to stare at her with humbling gratitude. It is perhaps these very feelings, which when intensified, have him move in to kiss her – not in selfish desire, but out of selfless pride.

I love how throughout this drama, the rooftop becomes a symbol of Jung-hoo’s view of the world, and indeed, life in general – a place where he’s able to reflect and unwind from the realities of the world below. The moment he takes her up on the roof shows that he’s willing to let her in on the same view, and reveal it as a part of his true self. Having to rely on Yong-shin’s skill to let them in was a nice touch in showing that she’s free to enter his world, and further make it her own.

Their conversations have always been very revealing; the subtle references which usually fly over Yong-shin’s head are picked up by audiences – making its double edged nature all the more fun to decipher. For some time now, Jung-hoo has been rather overt in blurring the lines between Jung-hoo and Bong-soo; living life on the edge, almost as if daring Yong-shin to catch on to the truth he’s hinting at. 

Their rooftop conversation is one of those instances whereby Jung-hoo becomes the dominant voice, and with it, his sincerity becomes magnified, making it a heart wrenching moment.

He doesn’t hesitate, but confidently, looks her in the face and asks whether he’ll do, promising to be the person she wants, for a long time. Oof, it’s a proposal of sorts, and he sure doesn’t dress it up in any other way. I love how straightforward he is when it comes to expressing his feelings. He’s done testing the waters, now he just wants to embrace life the way it is, to the point where he’s willing to adopt his Bong-soo identity if it means staying next to her. It’s rather a sad moment if you think about it, because whilst he’s making his feelings known, he’s also prepared to leave behind the only life he’s ever lived – cutting it off as though it were of little consequence.

It’s his Healer identity which leaves him at the crossroads, for there’s nowhere to go from there without any answers, and that must be really frustrating for him; hence why he looks to Yong-shin to give his life purpose.

And though her rejection of him comes as no surprise, I do love how he readily accepts it, as though he’s now got a long battle ahead of him, whereby he has no choice but to embrace his Healer identity and to make it so that the truth is unveiled. It forces him to continue fighting, and to seek out the purpose of his existence, so that he can face Yong-shin in his natural guise.

The sadness of the confession lies in the fact that he so desperately wants to give meaning to his life. The life which Sabu gave to him – it is no wonder then that all those feelings of anger and frustration came bursting out the moment they met, for it is Sabu, and indeed his mother, who failed to give meaning to his life when he most needed it. Hence why I feel it’s such a poignant moment, for the return of a person who’d long abandoned him, prevents him from giving closure to a chapter he so wants in order to live that long life with Yong-shin. 

The fear of living life without any purpose is exactly the reason he wishes to remain next to Yong-shin; she gives him purpose, and in doing so, the will to live life without the thought of ending it. 

By namedx


  1. Message from DC Healer gallery :) Fellow Korean fans wanted you to know how we're enjoying and appreciating the 'countless list of feels'. We're amazed at how insightful and detailed the writings are everytime, and love how you express the feelings. (Though it does take some time to translate.....haha) We're currently up to ep8, and everyone's looking forward to the next episodes. I'll wait for the ep11 to be updated too, so we can keep posting the translations on DC:) Thanks!

    1. Hey there,

      Thank you very much for translating the list of feels! And a huge thank you to all of the readers over at DC - glad you're enjoying them. Hopefully, I'll continue with the list of feels once I'm freed up with work.