Jung-hoo's countless list of feels - Episode 12


Jung-hoo's countless list of feels: Episode 12

Jung-hoo’s grief has always been all encompassing – it’s as if he’d taken it upon himself to shoulder the responsibility of the world around him, thereby losing himself in the process. But when all that baggage (of his past, present, and indeed future) collide into one, adding to the heaviness of his already bruised heart, his faith, he was looking to restore, in people, visibly shatters, causing an emotional outburst which has him looking for that lost island once again; only this time, he wishes to return to it with Yong Shin, a girl he very nearly buried, along with the rest of his childhood. It was that very pain which lead him to confront Moon-ho, blaming him for laying out a web of lies, in which he was nearly caught.

He’s always running forward as Healer, not once stopping to heal his own wounds. But in the process of running away from all the lies and deceit, he very nearly lost sight of the only truth which remains connected to him in the present, and that is Yong-Shin’s presence.

This rapid outburst of emotions has him running to Yong-Shin, startling her as he embraces her tightly – embracing her as though he’s embracing a part of his childhood which he’s relieved to get back, but equally, afraid of losing again.

Knowing she’s Ji-An, his gaze now takes on new layer of meaning, as he looks upon her with rekindled love and affection. He seems completely at ease with himself, and his feelings, but only for a split moment, before he submits to his anxieties regarding his troubled past, and indeed what this means for his future with Yong-Shin.

The meal he helps prepare and shares with Yong-Shin provides that much needed family warmth, and this time, I love that he’s able to enjoy it with laughter, without it feeling so alien to him. It took a long time for him to build this trust, and now that he has, there’s no running away from it.

The moment when Yong-Shin (almost) intertwines her hands with his allows her to take a step closer to finding out Healer’s true identity. And because we’re so connected with Healer’s point of view, we naturally find ourselves holding our breath along with him, as she takes her time aligning her hands with his, instinctively recognising his touch; the contact is gradual, as is the moment she works up to interlocking their fingers. And I love that she doesn’t let it slide, but goes with her gut feeling by allowing herself to take his hands in hers a second time. The steady build-up is both sensual and assured, but also filled with a weight of trepidation, leaving them both in a flux of their true emotions regarding the other. Her hunch in him being the Healer only forms part of the equation, whereas for Jung-hoo, the reality is far greater; his transfixed gaze betrays a sign of fear and panic amidst the fighting resolve to not run away.  

But the moment it proves too much for Yong-shin, she swiftly disconnects her hand from his, leaving him wrapped up in his own state of anxiety. His looks on, bewildered, as he slowly releases the breath he’d been holding the entire time, a testament to the weight of his burdens regarding his father’s past.

He’s troubled by the knowledge that his father may very well be the person who murdered Yong-Shin’s dad, and he’s prepared to carry the weight of that guilt, even if it means keeping himself in the dark. For her sake, he’s willing to sacrifice his identity, not wanting to harm her with the truth. His feelings for Yong-Shin has him declare openly how much he likes her, and thereby is in no position to “run away”, and more importantly, he doesn't know how to; his feelings have reached a point of no return - such is the depth of his love.

By namedx


  1. Thank you for continuing to share of yourself with these List of Feels. Please continue when you have time. I am still re-watching Healer.. a year later.

  2. oh, new post of feel. Thank you for continue!